Aftershocks
Everyone knows that after an earthquake, there are after shocks. Well I’m here to inform you that after “The Big C,” there is anything but rainbows, unicorns and lollipops. I don’t think I’m the only one that had the misconception that after I had a clear scan, things would only be uphill from there. Much to everyone’s surprise, it was about two months of absolute bliss, and then I hit a speed bump and have done nothing but encounter roadblocks for the past month.
First there were the UTI symptoms that can often be symptoms of ovarian cancer, followed by the weight loss, nausea, anxiety, and everything else under the sun. Had a CT scan, all clear. The scan was stable from the last one. Whew! BIG relief.
Then started the 24-7 nausea and twice a week vomiting. That was REAL exciting! So after the third week I decided it was time to see a GI specialist regarding this issue. I find out it could be an array of issues including my gallbladder, an infection, a small obstruction somewhere, some sort of blockage, or even worse, cancer causing blockage. So we do an upper GI scope, and nothing. THANK GOD!
So we moved on to the ultrasound, hoping to find some gallstones, this problem having the easiest solution. So I wait all weekend for the results and what does the nurse tell me? “It’s all clear. Except for several small cysts on your spleen. But you know cysts are no big deal, they come and go.”
At this moment my heart starts pounding 90 to nothing and I say in a very condescending voice, “Do you know I’m a cancer patient? And I used to have lesions on my spleen. So that dear is a big deal. That is important.”
The clueless nurse then continues babbling, and finishes her tongue-tied explanation saying she will send my results to my oncologists.
Good thinking woman. Because the last time someone gave me an ultrasound and told me I had cysts, it ended up being a shit ton of cancer. So why don’t you get your head out of you a$$, and have a doctor talk to me about these results. Because you are obviously clueless!!!
So I immediately text my GYN Oncologist and tell him the deal.
The next step you ask? Well the next step is doing a PET scan, and seeing if these cysts are benign or malignant.
If you know me personally, or have read my articles, you know that I’m Mary Freaking Sunshine 90% of the time. And I stay positive through almost everything. But I have to admit; I’m about to hit a breaking point. I just can’t take any more scares, and this waiting on those results is just about to give me a heart attack. The past month has literally sucked almost ever once of all my good ju-ju out of me.
I of course know that in the end, I will be okay. But I think it is just now sinking in, that every breath I breathe from this moment on will be a fighting breath. Normal life as I know it, just may be extinct. There is a good possibility that I will be living with and fighting cancer for the rest of my life. That is a gut-rinching realization to swallow. I have denied that possibility for a year now, and here it is, staring me in the face.
But even if I’m fighting every second of every day, I’m up for the challenge. My family, my friends, the strangers praying for me, each one of you makes every moment of my life worth the fight. I heard some devastating news today. I officially broke down today, and it took something as simple as hanging out with my best friend for an hour, and BAM! I feel better. Hours like the past hour of my life are the hours I will continue fighting for everyday. As much as a pain the rear end this new life is, believe me…I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!!!
