Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.
“Nobody knows exactly how they’re going to behave until they’re faced with certain challenges. It’s one of the great things in life — putting yourself in positions to meet new challenges and not being afraid to do so. It’s what keeps life interesting and ultimately makes you the best person you can be.” - Nico, Candace Bushnell’s Lipstick Jungle
Three months ago I found myself in a position to try on a new relationship for size. At this point, I was full of what I can only define as fear. It was a mere four months prior that I found myself cleaning up the mess of a failed engagement, and part of me thought I was absolutely insane for entering the dating world so quickly, and the other part of me held the thoughts of the quote above. I thought, what is the worst that can happen? Okay, he could maybe be a serial killer, but in reality, it won’t work and you will pick up and move one. And if you are really lucky you’ll move on with a new friend and a handful of lessons, not only on relationships but also, about yourself.
And friends, I was lucky! While I type this with teared-up eyes and a pocket of emptiness in my heart, I am so thankful to myself for conquering my fear, and taking the chance on a new relationship at a pivotal point in my life. I did gain a new companion, someone who I often confided in before anyone else.
He was the first person to know I was cancer-free (so we like to assumed), was a strong hand in decided whether I should stop treatment or not, he was the first person to know I thought I had a reoccurrence, and the first person to know it was a false alarm. He stood beside me as I helped raise awareness for GYN Cancers at the LA Capitol steps, he helped me make this blog a reality, and most importantly, he helped put together the last few pieces of a once shattered heart. I am so glad for the past three months I had such an amazing person to share those monumental moments with.
I literally thought that there was no one out there that want me or look at me the way he did. I was convinced I was damaged goods, and there wasn’t a decent man in the word that would knowingly take on my sack full of baggage. But through him I learned that there are men who see a sexy, funny, strong, beautiful, and courageous woman. And I can now look in the mirror, past the scars, and see that woman too. And for that I will forever be grateful. The past 3 months were a perfect ending to the most important year of my life, and I will forever be grateful to the person I spent those months with.
“It was about hope, she supposed. Hope, and the all-too-human belief that it was possible to go back and try again…And maybe get it right for a change.” - Candace Bushnell, Lipstick Jungle